• TIna Bilodeau CD(DONA)

A pregnant doula

It is my turn to practice what I preach.

January 2020

I missed my best friends birth, and it was traumatic. I missed it because I live in Illinois, she lives in Wyoming, and I was ovulating. See, I had been seeing a reproductive endocrinologist after yet another miscarriage. I knew my best friend would give birth during the time frame that I was ovulating, and I just couldn't miss my opportunity.

It was a Sunday morning and I had woken up with a fever, damnit there goes all my basal body temp tracking. My husband unexpectedly brought home digital ovulation test when I had mentioned that my tracking was ruined. Honestly I was shocked because I didn't know he was listening or even cared. So I started peeing on those little digital sticks waiting for my solid smiley face. The upcoming weekend was my birthday and my husband had planned a trip to Nashville as a family. So off we went, I was still kinda sick, and was certain that it would interfere with my ovulation. I had got a solid smiley face, and intensely felt ovulation, but we didn't try that day because I didn't feel well.

Anyways that how all the stories start, a new mom not thinking it was her time, and the SURPRISE!

I'm a habitual tester, its a terrible thing to do to myself, but I get my hopes up all the time taking test too soon. This cycle was no different. I tested seven days past ovulation and then again at 9. Negatives.

My cycles are a bit on the short side. Thanks to V- Steams I'm very regular, and when I woke up on day 26 I kind of just knew I was pregnant. With my daughter Standing in the bathroom door, as usual, and my husband in the shower I decided just to test real quick. I was talking to Riley and glanced down at the test and noticed a faint line after 30ish seconds. Time stopped and my heart started racing, the line grew darker and darker. Finally! Any ideas I had of telling my husband in a cute way went out the window. I through open the shower door shoving the test in his freshly washed face! "Do you see it! I'm Pregnant!"

He laughed, but after a few miscarriages this year he very calmly told me not to get my hopes up, too late. I was calling the fertility office the second their phone lines opened to get in for a confirmation blood draw. I was able to get an appointment the very next morning, but gosh that wait was hard.

I had already started telling EVERYONE. I don't believe in keeping early pregnancy a secret, the idea of "what if" the pregnancy results in a loss does scare me. But the idea that I might be judged for loosing a pregnancy baffles me. The stigma and shame of pregnancy loss is so strong, but something like 30% of pregnancies result in losses. So why are we shaming families for something that is so common?

Besides, I told my family and close friends, and if those are the people who shame me, I need to reevaluate their roles in my life.

I've kept going in for HCG and Progesterone blood draws and had my 3rd one this morning. All my levels are high, and sometime next week I should get my first ultrasound to share with everyone.

The opportunity for me to share every aspect of this pregnancy is super unique. I can not wait to share product reviews, what I'm doing, and especially my birthing experience. Look out for an informative post on how I have gotten Tricare Prime to cover First Breath Birth and Wellness Birthing center. I am so excited to share the little details of this pregnancy. And the Beginning of "Diary of a Pregnant Doula".

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O'Fallon, Illinois
ST. Louis, Missouri

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